…i really need to write about something that makes me happy or something i’m excited about or something that makes me sound like less of a drag.

 

and i’m sure i will very soon, but i feel i must write first about an experience i had yesterday at the hairdresser’s.  i was feeling rather spiffy with my new ‘do (even though i’m still not very sure it’s a great cut–i just always feel good after a blowout and style.  how can you not feel great when someone else just saved you all the energy it usually takes to wash and style your hair?!)

 

so, yes, i was feeling great.  my stylist had just finished pouring over me, telling me how full and thick my hair is.  “you have so much hair.  i forget each time how MUCH hair you have until i start to style it!  just LOOK at this hair!”  and on and on. 

 

when i was getting up from the chair to leave he said, “i hope your kids get your hair.”  I honestly thought he meant that he hoped the kids i nanny would “get” my hair, meaning that they’d notice i’m sporting a new look.  perhaps that tells you how little hope i have some days that i will actually locate my fertility.  

 

i mumbled something that probably made no sense to him, given my confusion, and then realized he meant my kids–my  kids–he wished my kids would get my amazingly, wonderfully thick hair.  look, today i feel like i’d take a kid with the hair of medusa

 

medusa

 

just give me a kid!  bald, curly, straight…who cares.  give me three or four, while you’re at it.  (i never said these were rational thoughts…)

 

a simple, harmless comment from a well-meaning acquaintance can reduce me to tears sometimes.  in this instance, i kept the tears inside and i’m glad…crying in front of my hairdresser is not my idea of a good time.  although, i do have a story with a very different ending that i’ll have to share sometime…one where i did crumble into a messy pile of tears and snot.

 

there’s another blogger who wrote a great post on a similar theme that rang true for me.  she calls it “the mask of the infertile” and you can find her blog here.  i’d be happy to return this mask anytime now.

 

and i promise i’ll have something clever and upbeat and wonderful to say very soon…i just need to think of it first.

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