today, i would be waking up to a six month old little cherub with a belly a la buddha, chubby little leg rolls, a silky little tuft of hair, and a tiny little first tooth budding. 


but that didn’t work out.


today, i would be waking up–or perhaps never truly falling asleep–to a six week old precious, wrinkly, tiny, vulnerable and fully dependent little one…i’d likely be feeling rather overwhelmed and very, very likely be quite wishing my mom was alive to help me learn to mother a tiny new baby. 


that didn’t happen either.


today, i would be waking up 20 weeks pregnant, feeling a miraculous little life swimming around inside of me.  my back would be hurting and i’d be an even crankier version of me than my non-pregnant self (a major feat in itself!).  i’d be scared something would go wrong, afraid to admit how deeply i already loved this little baby.  knowing me, i’d wake up and head straight to the mirror to detect any changes that might have occurred overnight–one must keep up on these things!




today, i woke up to my period.