so painful (expectably, as h would say) to hear a woman speak of abortion in the midst of holding my empty womb…painful to hear of one woman’s choice to empty her womb clashing with my deep desire to fill mine again – to somehow take the baby she rejected and fill my womb, my arms, with its sweet, sweet life.

sure, she was too young, too not ready to have another baby, too, too, too…but it’s so hard (expectably, as h would say) to think of a mother choosing not to receive her baby, while my body chose for me.  if a woman should have the right to choose—why didn’t i?


expectably, it hurts.



**i wrote this a while ago, just weeks after my first miscarriage.  i was in the midst of contemplating the irony of a woman’s right to choose juxtiposed with this woman’s lack of choice and the desperate feelings that lack creates in me…