as i was lying on the table with my pant legs pulled halfway up my legs, my shirt peeled halfway up my midsection and my arms exposed, i realized that i forgot my camera again


each time i head to my acupuncture appointment, i think of taking my camera to get some pics to show you…and—so far—each time i’ve forgotten.  not to worry, though, because from now until forever every two weeks i have a standing appointment…or at least every two weeks while i’m still fertility hunting (which, by the way, feels like forever sometimes).  oh, and let’s not forget that if i do get pregnant again, i’ll have the pleasure of getting stuck every week.  it’s a good thing i really like my needle lady.


anyway, i was lying there with all manner of needles poking me…trying to relax…totally curious about which way the needles may be listing (they move!).


then i started thinking about different post ideas and it suddenly dawned on me…..


i’m doing acupuncture for fertility.


i really am one of those people who—so far—can’t have a baby. 


so far. 


and by the way, that little part (“so far”)  is really important to me today because it’s the teeny strand of hope that’s holding me.  some days i’m more hopeful and upbeat about my fertility challenges than others.  today i need to think in terms of “so far” and to remember that this may not always be the case for us.  please god.


that reality check moved me to tears.  this is my–our–reality right now.  every two weeks i head to the acupuncturist’s office that says right on the door “fertility-something-or-other”…i’m there because we are unable to have a baby.


so far.