1. avoid looking at the reflection of your mid-section when sitting in front of your laptop.

2. avoid looking at the reflection of your face in the screen of your digital camera when checking out a new pic you’ve taken.

3. avoid trying on clothes that fit loosely prior to three miscarriages.

4. avoid looking at your reflection in the side of your car as you are unlocking the door. [note to self: get key remotes fixed for faster entry into vehicle and reduced risk of reflection viewing.]

5. do not–i repeat–do not look in the mirror while bending over for any reason.

6. do freely imbibe chocolate of any sort: chocolate is to fat days as animal collecting is to fertility challenged couples.

7. do thank your legs for carrying you through the day and even rub some lotion into them if you’re feeling especially benevolant.

8. do consider becoming a wet nurse. (just imagine all the calories you would burn!)

9. do wear a comfortable outfit…there’s nothing worse than feeling fat and then punishing one’s self by wearing an outfit that’s uncomfortable, thereby accentuating the fatness-feelings.

last, but not least

10. eat more chocolate.

 

as you might have guessed, today is a fat day for me.  i’ve learned by now that if i don’t feel differently about myself in ten minutes, i probably will in twenty.  and i’ll definitely be feeling something altogether different by this time tomorrow.  that’s one thing i know for sure (call me oprah): feelings always ebb and flow.

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