…of new jersey, that is.  i would never dream of watching any trashy reality tv shows, but if i did watch them, i’d have really been surprised when if i saw one of the episodes that aired tonight.

 

a housewife, jacqueline, was talking about her recent recurrent miscarriages—four in a row.  they showed footage of her at the specialist’s office talking about the blood work they’ve done, etc.

 

i was would have been thinking (if i’d seen that trashy show), “what the heck are the chances of this?  i literally just flipped the tv on to see if there was anything worth watching and here is this woman shedding tears about her fourth miscarriage and the difficulties in not-knowing if it will keep happening…”.

 

i’m so glad she’s talking about her experience even a little bit…she said (i’m paraphrasing) at one point that she’s not one of those woman who can have a miscarriage and brush it off as “oh well, something was wrong with the baby; i guess it’s for the best.”  i don’t know if there’s a woman on this planet who is truly able to brush it off and keep going, unfazed…no matter what she may look like from the outside.

 

i think it’s sad the way we seem to feel the need to apologize for loving, for hoping, for dreaming, for desiring, for grieving, for raging, for missing.  whether something was “wrong” with the embryo/fetus/baby or not—it hurts deeply.

 

so, don’t apologize, jacqueline…i know it hurts…let it out.

 

p.s. okay, okay, i watched the show…three episodes in a row and i set our tivo to record the new episode which airs on tuesday…i admit it!  but my favorite is the real housewives of new york.  so there.

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