i’ve wasted a fortune on pregnancy tests and another very small fortune on ovulation predictor kits…and really the one opk wouldn’t have even been that expensive if i hadn’t become obsessed with needing to buy it in the middle of the night when only the grocery store was open…


i’m here to tell you ladies….do not expect your local grocery store to cut you a deal in the middle of the night for an opk!  in fact, that reminds me of something horrifically embarrassing that happened that night at the store…


i was in line, minding my own business, about to waste my money on an overly fancy and way too expensive kit.  when it was my turn, i handed the goods over to the manager who was running the register (you know it’s either really late at night or super, super busy in the store when the manager is running the register…in this case it was the former).  he scanned the kit and said,


“my god, $38!  for that price it should at least come with some videos!”


i was in a hurry because i was feeling guilty about wasting the money on it so in the moment his comment didn’t really faze me too much more than my own guilt already had.  it wasn’t until i got into my car that i realized what he said, what i was buying, and what he probably meant…now, that’s just unprofessional!


i wish i would have said something like, “i’m sorry, but i don’t need to be watching people with better bodies than me doing better moves than me while we’re ttc—believe me, i have enough insecurity, guilt and shame about my infertility issues as it is….i do not need to add to this by watching other people do it.  but thank you kindly for the suggestion.”


anyway, that whole story got me way off the trail…where was i?


oh yes!  i’ve spent fortunes on pregnancy tests and opk’s.  and i’ve read on multiple blogs that the tests and kits are much less expensive when purchased over the net…and when using them compulsively, as in my case, expense matters! 


so i passed another milestone on my fertility hunt—i bought a huge combo pack of pregnancy tests and ovulation predictor kits on line last night…and let me tell you, i got a steal of a deal…these tests actually included the videos just as that manager suggested!


just kidding.


but they were really affordable and now i can feed my compulsion to test any old time of the day or night with very little guilt over the expense…i will say, however, that i felt saddened after the rush of excitement over knowing i’d be able to test to my heart’s content passed…saddened that our efforts to have a baby have come to this.  scheduled sex.  intense hoping followed by devastating disappoinment and loss.  i so much wish we would have been one of those couples who just–oops!–got pregnant and 40 weeks later held their healthy baby in their arms.  i so much wish our blueberry would have lived…


but that’s not our story.  recurrent miscarriage is our story so far…i’m grateful books have many chapters and i’m hoping to start a new one very soon.  this storyline is getting rather tiresome.