i’m weary of this fertility hunting trip…ready to pack it up and go back to……to what?


there is no “going back”. 


there is stopping….no longer trying to have a baby.


but there is no going back to my life before this bumpy ride began.  our little ones remain with us…the disappointment, longings, rage and (a little bit of) hope also remain.


and today, all i want to do is give up.  suddenly stop caring.  let it all go.  stop taking care of my body.  stop taking my supplements and going to my acupuncture.  stopstopstop.


and so i will.  for today, i’m stopping.


except, i already took my supplements and exercised today.  i’ll probably feel differently tomorrow.  or maybe even before bed today.  but i don’t care…right now, i’m stopping.