well, the days are creeping and crawling and certainly not flying by for me lately.  i’m spending a lot of time contemplating how i want to handle the next step: ultrasound.

 

originally dr. naturo and i agreed that i wouldn’t do the initial blood work, but i would have an ultrasound at 7 weeks to see how this pregnancy is progressing.  but since that conversation, i’ve gone back and forth about whether or not i want to actually have the ultrasound as planned.

 

the thing is…

 

if the news is bad, i don’t want to go thru another round of waiting to miscarry.  i’ve been thru that twice already (my first m/c was a complete shock) and it is not fun.

 

additionally, the 7 week mark falls just before i leave on a two week trip to see family and friends across the country.  i do not want to spend a week or more of my vacation waiting to miscarry and carrying the weight of grief on my shoulders…at all, but certainly not while i’m mingling with friends and family.

 

on the flip side, waiting until we return (my huz will join me part way thru the two weeks) for the ultrasound feels like an eternity.  not to mention, the prometrium is causing me to blow up like a blowfish and let me tell you, i am not looking forward to seeing people looking like i do….and i really don’t want to continue inflating if it’s all for nothing.  i will gladly deal with pregnancy weight shame, but packing on more weight if the pregnancy isn’t viable is not my idea of a good time.  but i suppose either way the damage is done in terms of my upcoming trip…it’s not like i’d be able to do anything about the current bodily inflation either way in that short of an amount of time.

 

all of this going on about this and that is because i’m scared.  i don’t know which way to turn and whatever choice i make holds the possibility for joy and devestation…there is no safe route.  my huz tries to listen and discuss the options with me, but in the end he says that i’m really the only one who can make this decision…i agree with him and disagree at the same time.

 

aaaaaahhhhhhh!!  i’m driving myself crazy.  one minute i think i’m ready to find out what’s happening inside of me and the next i’m paralyzed and absoluely NOT ready.

 

so i ask you….what would you do if you were faced with these two choices:

1.  schedule ultrasound in week 7 (the week of august 10th), knowing that whatever the result you are leaving for a 2 wk vacation on august 14th.

2.  keep hanging in there until you return from your vacation and schedule an ultrasound in week 10.

 

i need my mom…please help!

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