well, today marks a first and a last.
the first?
i barfed in the parking lot at the grocery store. right next to my car. three times. never even saw it coming until my mouth was bombarded with pre-throw-up spit…i know—tmi. sorry.
i was freaking out because i HATE to puke. i hate it. i thought, “oh shit. what should i do? what should i do?!”
pull your hair back and lean over! this vomit is coming out whether you like it or not.
as i was finishing up, a van pulled into the spot directly across from where i was heaving. the driver flung open her door and shouted, “do you need help?!”
“i’m sorry you had to see that. no, i’m okay. i think it’s morning sickness.”
yep, morning sickness to go right along with evening migraines. peachy.
but i’ll go through anything…public barfing included…if it means a baby.
that was a first for me. and what was today’s last?
today i opened the last jar of my mom’s applesauce. i was trying to think of what i could eat and i remembered my sister teaching me brat—bananas, rice, applesauce and toast. perfect, i thought! that’s just what i need on a day like today…my mom’s homemade applesauce.
i cried as i opened the dusty final jar. my mom made this applesauce the fall just before she died. at the time, i was having a craving for it, so i asked her if she’d be willing to make some and send it to me. there’s nothing like mom’s homemade applesauce. plus, my huz hadn’t tasted it before. boy, was he in for a treat. after he took his first bite he said dreamily, “yummmm, that’s the best applesauce i’ve ever tasted.”
my mom sent me three big jars of sauce wrapped in microfiber kitchen towels…she was so excited about that new technology, she wanted to share it. i still have the towels and until this morning, i had one more jar of her sauce.
this is the last food i will taste that she made. with her own pretty little hands. this is it. there won’t be anymore. that makes me so, so sad.
even when i try to replicate her recipes, they never turn out right. oh well, “just keep trying, honey. you’ll get it.” that’s what she used to tell me when i’d complain about my most recent recipe flop…just keep trying, honey.
and that’s just what i’m doing, mom. thanks for the applesauce.
7 comments
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August 13, 2009 at 1:53 pm
Gabby
just caught up on your blog!!
so excited about your successful ultrasound..
sorry about your puke, but you’re right – i’ll do whatever if it means a baby!
so excited for you (sorry that the tech and dr weren’t! so lame!
August 13, 2009 at 6:02 pm
meinsideout
I am so sorry about your mom – that is a beautiful way to remember her.
So, so sorry about the puking – I feel your pain.
August 13, 2009 at 6:35 pm
Kate
Jack just asked me what I’m reading because my eyes are welling with heavy tears as I read about you eating your last homemade apple sauce. I hate that you had to lose your mom. I wish she could still be here and even though I don’t know you in real life my heart breaks for you, it truly does. *****hugs*****
August 14, 2009 at 4:17 am
birdless
I’m so sorry about your mom. I bet she would be so happy though that even now she can still help nourish you and your baby. She’s still alive in you the way you are alive in your own baby, and someday maybe you will teach your own baby to make applesauce too.
As for the morning sickness, that is a good sign, right? 🙂 (Better in the parking lot than in the building too.)
August 19, 2009 at 3:01 pm
MEG.
Gah, where have I been? Somehow this post skipped past my radar. I’m sorry. =(
Like Kate, I found my eyes filled with tears when I read about your mama and her applesauce. My Grammy used to make the most incredible homemade caramels every year. I remember after she died (2006), eating the last of her caramels and sobbing.
Even after our loved ones are gone, they still feel so alive, especially when their footprints are still on Earth in the form of food made with love.
I’m happy you were able to share some of your mom’s love with your baby.
August 24, 2009 at 12:46 pm
iamstacey
Your mom was wonderful. I know you miss her so much. I wish she could be here with you now! What a wonderful gift, to get to enjoy something she made herself one more time.
I hope the morning sickness stops soon!
August 27, 2009 at 3:02 pm
MEG.
Just checkin’ in to make sure everthing’s ok on your end. We miss you!
*hugs* my friend.