my oh my…today is the first day of march!!  the month of our guess date.  the month our baby might be born.  the month we’ve been waiting for since july.  march!!

i awoke feeling very excited that it’s finally march…and i will go to sleep tonight feeling happy still that we’ve made it to this point in our pregnancy.  i can’t believe it and i’m so grateful and happy and scared about becoming a mom and sad over the loss of what my relationship with my huz has always been…don’t get me wrong, i know it will be changed in so many amazing ways.  but we’ve been together for over six years now and have fought hard for every year, for the kind of relationship we enjoy (most days) now….and soon these days will be in the past.  we will no longer be just sweetie and huz.  our lives will never be the same and that is both exhilarating and sad.

and this, in large part, accounts for our increased bickering and the over-arching frustration that’s been growing between us…until, that is, we get to the point of grieving and expressing our fears, losses, anxieties, etc.  so, this is the roller coaster we are riding these days: content/excited/nervous…anxious/agitated/angry…sad/nervous/excited/content…

and on and on it goes.  just like everything else, we will get through.  we’ll find our rhythm and find our way back to one another just as our baby bear finds her way into our arms.

the other thing we’re going to get through and fight for is my health.  at our prenatal appt tonight, my blood pressure was a tiny bit more elevated than usual and the pee dip stick showed a small amt of sugar and protein in my urine.  now, some of you might have noticed by now that i’m a bit unconventional when it comes to certain things…and this preeclampsia scare is no different.  i’m in no way going to lie down and let fate take its course.

oh no.

i’ve done my research and found through sources i trust that preeclampsia is due to protein deficiency.  this means i’m going to be eating a high protein food every hour or so until my next visit (next week); i’m going to take my midwife’s advice and use the community pool for water walking; i’m going to eat plenty of fresh greens…i’m going to continue to use my celtic sea salt to taste and drink to thirst.  i am not going to sit around and wait for my tiny little  symptoms to get worse or become “something to worry about”……….nope.  protein, here i come.

ask me in a few weeks if i regret this decision.  but i don’t think i will.  i’m going to do everything i can to fight for my health, avoid induction/c-section, medicated birth….everything i can to protect our baby’s entry into this world, her first hours after birth and our best chances for early bonding through skin-to-skin contact and the all-important eye contact that she needs and i long to give her.

in the end, if we need to use medical interventions to bring our baby into this world, it will be b/c there was no other way to preserve her health or mine and so i will be grateful for medical technology for sure.  but you better believe i will fight till the end for the natural hypnobirthing experience i’ve been preparing for all these weeks and months.

wish me luck!

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