i am a 30-something woman in the midst of an intense and sometimes desperate-feeling hunt for my fertility.  and then there are the days when i’m not so sure i really want to become a mom.  days when building my career and enjoying life with just my huz and me sounds appealing and even preferable.  among all of the intense feelings of grief and loss, i’ve even–dare i say it?–felt a teeny tiny bit relieved when i’ve miscarried…and i have to wonder, what might that mean about me?  usually, i decide this means i’m a person capable of feeling a myriad of emotions…a person who has grieved much in this life and one who isn’t so sure i’m ready to stick my neck out there again just yet.


i’m complicated and dramatic and hilarious and emotional (i like to think of myself as being emotionally aware–which is, of course, a good thing!).  i’m all this and more. 


please share your thoughts and reactions to what you read here.  feel free to leave a comment or contact me at lillyshephard@gmail.com.  i’d love to hear from you…what resonates with you, what’s helpful, what’s not…and please do feel free to use this as a forum to remember and tell your story, too, by visiting our wailing wall.   you may also read the story of my first miscarriage here.


read on.